I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
