Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
