i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
