Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
