brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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