Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
