The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you would pick up someone in the library
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
