drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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