I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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