He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
