Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
