just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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