im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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