can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
