Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
