she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
