Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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