I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
