I haven't been this sober since birth.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
