i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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