This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
