ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
