My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
