Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
