So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
she looked like the before picture.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
