i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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