she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
