Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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