I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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