If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
