She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
