why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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