I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
