So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
