I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
