So drunk its hurt
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize