Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
