and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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