I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
