i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
