Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
All I want is dick and wine.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
