Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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