i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I am available for nakedness
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
