Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
