I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
