I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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