i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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