I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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