you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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