Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Randomize
