Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize