Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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