yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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