it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
