But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
