Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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