so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
