Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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