So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
