I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
