Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
