conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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