First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
