After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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