Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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