At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
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I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
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