it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
