So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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