I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think my fart just growled at me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
