Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
